Not everyone likes waiting in line. Many of which would easily complain when five minutes have passed and still, no one has even moved.

Not everyone likes being stuck in traffic. It is no joke to be seated for thirty minutes or so, wiping the heat off your face, looking every second to your watch, wishing that somehow you have left the house a minute earlier.

Not everyone likes waiting for someone. Many of us are guilty of this. When the meeting is set for 3:00, we leave the house at 3:00. And when our dear friend calls us and asks where we are, we simply say, "Oh, Sorry, I'm still on my way". And yes, our dear friend cannot do anything but wait some more, spend another few bucks for coffee just so she/he will not be accused of loitering in that coffee shop.

Waiting is one of the hardest things to do especially for individuals who have grown accustomed to a very busy life. It is like feeding a vegetarian with bread, he knows for a fact tha he needs bread, it is good food, yet it would take him such a long time to discern if he is ready to take that staple food back to his system. Simply put, a very busy person who is so used to a life of tasks and service, when asked to pause for awhile, would bargain to the point of questioning, if he really needs time for rest. A basic question that requires the simplest answers, but to others, it is one of life's hardest questions to answer.

I see myself in this illustration.Growing up, I've been exposed to various activities, both school and extra-curricular ones. It was through these opportunities that I have discovered my God given gifts and I have met wonderful people who have given me all the encouragement I need in my chosen endeavors.

Highschool, College, and work life. Through these experiences, The various encounters that I have experienced made mre realize the things that I desire. Training and Teaching, Serving and Ministering. Four words that tell alot about my passions in life. Four words that describe what I have been doing for the past 22 years.

With these passions, I was able to challenge myself to things that I have never done before in my life. It was indeed a joyous experience to do something that makes your heart leap all the time.
But it was this year that God made me realize something...

That somehow, amidst all the busyness, there are instances when you overlook the real purpose of why you are doing things. We do at times confuse the hands with our hearts. I was talking to our bible study leader one night, He asked me, "Tanya, when you do something, are you doing it with your heart or is it purely with your hands?". I asked him back, "Bro, Can you explain it to me thoroughly?". He then said, "When you give your hands, that is is service. You use the gifts that you know you are good at. But when you use your heart, it is giving your whole self without any pretense, it is doing what you really long to do. It is not doing something as a mere cover up for your deepest longings. ". He ended by asking, "Tanya, you think about it deeply. then you share it to me". I knew from that moment, that God has used such godly person to make me realize deeper issues in my life.

I have not been this so intimate with God. My intimacy before hails from issues that I believe are very trivial. I believe that my time is now, to fully realize the meaning of Trust and Patience. Yes, in the past I have trusted God and waited patiently for things that I believe are way simpler than compared to what I am praying for now. Years ago, I was waiting for God's plans as to whether I will pass a test or not, or whether an organization event will push through or not. Simple things, indeed. But now, I have learned that as I grow older, I am being more exposed to the reality of life, to the deeper issues that go with it.

It is only now that I have truly experienced intimacy with God to the nth level. God has used my situation now to make me see that it is only Him that I need. That all my aspirations, needs, wants and desires are according to His will and not mine.

Everyday, I hear the Lord telling me, "Tanya, one at a time. Let's do one thing slowly. Your work now may be different from what you have been doing before. Or your life now has allowed you to sleep more than 4 hours each day. And you have learned to focus on things you should have been focusing on yet were too busy. Hear me out on this. I am with you, my child. Trust me." I always assure myself that yes, though I may not know God's purpose in all of these, but I hold unto his promise that He has the best things kept for his children.

For someone like me, who has been used to a very busy lifestyle. School, Work, Social Life, Fellowship and Ministry, when subjected to a life that is robbed off such demands, is but a pictue of someone being left alone in a desert. For others, it could be a lonely journey towards the source of water. But for me, I see it differently.

I see God's hand upon this journey of mine. Though it may be tiresome at times to just be waiting, still deep in my heart, there is this peace that transcends all misunderstandings and doubts. That though I still do not know how soon the evaluation of my documents for masterals abroad will be deliverd to me, and that though I am still trying to adjust to a life of a research assistant and that though I miss teaching preschool so badly...Still, deep in my heart I know that God has something better waiting for me...and that He will never leave me.

The picture of being stuck in the desert and in the crossroads, not knowing where to go, never entered my mind. Instead, I have this picture of a stream of living water flowing into this vast land, where I am trekking each day, discovering each step that leads to the promised land that God has set forth for me.

This is waiting. No uncertainites, No worries. Just pure joy:)

Tanya Wrote On The Sand At 1:24 AM
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